Journal ︎

A notion of "vote for the lesser of the two evils" has been floating around and dominating liberal circles since I was four and living through the Bush v Kerry election back in 2004. Every election since then has been "too important to lose" and calls of organizing a possible vanguard party and well as building up support for a truly proletarian party has been met with "not now. We can push a Democrat left!"

Did you push Obama left when he bombed Syria? What about the increased drone strikes in the SWANA region killing thousands of innocent people? When he promised to codify Roe V Wade and didn't? What of Biden, who is engaged in a bloody genocide and stated, "If Israel did not exist, the United States would have to make one"? When he allowed Roe V Wade to be overturned because Democrats are aware they can churn that threat for money? What about the violent anti-trans laws under him that are enacted in many southern states? What about the border, where he continued Trump's wall and kept kids in cages?

My point being is there will never be an ability other push a violent imperialist serving a genocidal empire "left". Any and all "so you want Trump?" should be met with a bashing of a skull. That clearly is not being argued. What is being stated is this: Any member of the US government by default must uphold liberal democracy and all the imperialist terror it reigns down upon the global south. The answer is not choosing a liberal candidate or reforming a nation built upon genocide and slavery, but a proletarian revolution leading to a dictatorship of the proletariat.

Let it be stated: if you find yourself defending liberal democracy, which at it's core is a dictatorship of the bourgeios, as a method of being anti-Trump, you are not a "lefist". You are a liberal. Your hatred of Trump is founded on one of two things: 1. That his belief that the United States is still the most powerful empire in the world and thus can do whatever it wants, which will effectively kill any standing left the US has (this is a good thing to kill.) or 2. You genuinely believe that your rights will be stripped away, to which I have to say: you are delusional to believe any rights can be meaningfully won when the entire US empire has been built on the blood of the global south and black lives forced into slavery to build the empire. You can either grow past these idealistic choices, or do what most do, and shove your head in the sand and scream that the reason the Democrats lose is due to communists on a decaying site.

A major theme of A Song of Ice and Fire is familial trauma; whether generational, cocsa, verbal or physical abuse. Throughout the story, trauma sustained in childhood is shown to affect and change the characters. Through comparisons of various families can the theme shine through. One great example is the parenting styles of Tywin Lannister compared to Ned Stark. Both patriarchs grew up in harsh conditions, born out of a feudal, patriarchal society. Yet how they treat their kids is vastly different, due to their complementary views of what children are.

Tywin Lannister views his children as extensions of himself, akin to trophies that bring him honor, bargaining chips to win him prestigious positions. Cersei he sees as a bargaining chip, using her to marry into families in an attempt to keep the peace, such as the Baratheon's after Robert's Rebellion. Her arranged match with Robert was done both - in order to keep the crown from punishing him for not taking a side in the rebellion and the citizens of King's Landing for staging their own rebellion against him, for the brutalities his bannermen committed while storming the city - as well as a gamble to get closer to the iron throne. By having one child of royalty, Tywin gains more prestige and power. Jaime behaves as a trophy child: he appears to be the ideal knight, handsome, charming, a fantastic fighter. Despite Jaime betraying his oath to protect the king and his vow of chastity, Tywin sees him as the perfect son; while a former heir to the Lord of Casterly Rock, is now a knight of the King's guard. If Cersei is a broodmare to continue the Lannister line, Jaime is the trophy Tywin can look at and point to should anyone ask what he's accomplished.

Tyrion breaks the illusion of the perfect family for Tywin. He's not conventionally attractive, disabled due to his dwarfism (thus cannot be a knight, or even a proper lord in Tywin's mind) and prefers wit to physical violence (not to say he wouldn't fight if pushed, as he is shown to do). His disability is stated to be a curse, Oberyn Martell citing rumors that while Hand of the King, Tywin "saw himself as above the king", making Tyrion a punishment bestowed upon the lord for arrogance. Thus, Tyrion is a reminder that Tywin is human, mortal, capable of mistakes. He resents his son for the reminder, for not being a useful pawn in his bid to gain power and the throne.

The Starks are different: Ned and Catelyn are aware of the differences in each child and nurture it. Ned brings his first son and heir to his meetings and councils, preparing him as a Lord of Winterfell, which serve him wonderfully in his short tenure as King in the North. Catelyn and Ned point out and encourage Sansa to enjoy the arts, needlework and other lady deeds (though there is also something to be said of the misogyny of a society where all women are expected to do these things, as Arya is often socially ostracized for not adhering to the role as a Stark Lady like Sansa.), and, with some understanding of his other daughter, Ned allows Arya to pursue Braavosi water dancing and learning to wield a sword (also encouraged by Jon). We don't get much of a glimpse into the Stark familial relationships as much as the Lannisters due to three of the eight dying, but what little is shown displays that Ned and Catelyn see their children as people exploring the world and society they were born into, with desires and preferences they encourage, as how else are they to learn expect through experience?

Catelyn, while furious with Robb for marrying Jeyne Westerling out of love and breaking his oath, saying "you are a king who broke his promise, one of the worst sins a king can commit", admires how graceful and understanding her son has become when he confesses his sin and intends to make amends with a slighted Walder Frey. Ned too, while upset that Arya is having difficulty adjusting in the Red Keep, allows her to instead pursue her interests as he knows forcing her into doing things she despises will just breed resentment between them. Both parents, while naive to the political machinations going on around them, understand how to be good parents, or at least as good as they can be in a feudalist society.

Thus, the War of the Five Kings is, at some length, a battle of the parenting of Tywin Lannister versus Eddard Stark. The Lannisters manage to win, but only through the slaughtering of the Starks and violating Guest Right, through Stannis kinslaying his brother Renly to be the only "true" Baratheon to win the crown, through a notion of "the ends justify the means." While the abusive parenting style of Tywin Lannister won the war, it has broken the bonds in their family, with Tyrion killing his father, Cersei growing more paranoid, and Jaime sinking into a depression.

I haven't had the drive to write as much, mostly due to stress related to a staff shortage at work as well as some personal planning between me and my partner. I did recently get a personal computer since my ancient laptop was slowing down. (Thankful I got six years out of it though!) With this, I'm hoping to begin writing essays again.

I can't seem to write about far-right people on Neocities anymore. They're like a spectacle to me, pathetic and deserving pity like a worm stuck on concrete in the rain. It's not kind, but understanding they themselves can't provide compassion to anyone not white, I can't find myself to care. I enjoy dissecting them with my friend, question why they went down that dark path when my friend and I, who have and currently are suffering worse, didn't. I explained that maybe it's the entitlment to imperial gains, and so far that seems to hold true. Perhaps I'll delve deeper one day soon when I'm clearheaded and detached enough.

Life itself has been relatively calm, although my partner is dealing with some turmoil. The job he's dreamed of rejected him, and now we're trying to determine where we want to go from here. My mother suggested us moving two hours north, so my partner can work for the company my mother does and I can simply transfer to a new shelter. We'd be closer to our families, but my partner just wants two days off, and I want the same. I also don't really want to move. I despise packing, moving my oldest cat. He yowls in the car without gabapentin, and I don't want to stress him out. My partner will be in Florida at the start of next week, and be back in two. When he gets back, I'm hoping he has an idea of what we should do. Our lease runs out in April, and without a plan I'll just renew to buy us some time. Oh well, I'm sure it'll work out.

Despite coming to Neocities from a suggestion from another left-leaning friend, Neocities itself is host to a wide range of ideologies. Most of the time, I only come across other socialists looking for a new hobby or outlet. I'm thankful for that, but curiosity overwhelms me like a wave, and I seek out the worst. It's not just curiosity; those far-right sites hosted on here often have a blog, and it allows me and a friend to analyze them. A couple of factors tie into the makings of these people; isolation, feelings of inferiority, entitlement.

I've already touched on the isolation, however I want to mention that at a point, the isolation becomes self-inflicted. One can't stay inside all the time, because that wears at one's mental health. It won't instantly fix everything, but it'll help. However, isolation alone isn't the sole cause of a conservative shift. It's usually one of the first steps into the cesspit of the alt-right, which feeds into people's inferiority complexes.

Feelings of inferiority coupled with an entitlement to women mix in disgusting ways. Looking specifically at the incels here, most complain about their appearance. They deem themselves too short, their jaws aren't perfectly square, they have too much acne, etc. However, instead of realizing that this is a manifestation of self-hatred and that looks actually aren't everything in a relationship, they decide that vanity, the very thing they accuse women of, is alright for them to engage in. Granted, their vanity stems from jerking off about how "smart" and "deep" they are for having thoughts every annoying and edgy 12 year old had. That vanity and feeling owed something by society leads to feelings of entitlement.

Many incels here and on other sites are joined by the entitlement they feel towards sex. Women are not people to them; they are meant to provide sex first and foremost, and then be their home maker. In that way, it's no wonder so many like them are drawn to the conservative propaganda of the fifties which promised to make every (white) man a king of their own domain. What they fail to consider are the economic and political realities of the time period they long for: segregation was still legal, women were slaves to their fathers and husbands, a world war is what reinvigorated the economy. This was the beginning of the end of the United States' empire, which had its hey-day in the late 1800s and early 1900s, akin to the United Kingdom. Their entitlement stems from the American belief that they are owed their own kingdom, their own wife to rule over because this belief kept white working class men from seeing that their enemies weren't black people or women in the work force; it was the capitalists.

Make no mistake, I refuse to show these men sympathy when their hate is the cause of multiple mass shootings, Gamergate, and the rise of the alt-right. I simply mean to study them as one would insects. The ways in which misogyny meets entitlement, in which feelings of inferiority build into arrogance and hate, they all fascinate me. The only ways out for these men is through either re-education; considering that perhaps they're wrong! Perhaps the conclusions they jumped to aren't actually backed by anything other than their own self-hatred. Or, suicide. And as they continue, I think their deaths are the only thing that may help.

Considering one's self a victim of another in and of itself has no political leaning. It doesn't exist in a void, but a liberal can see themself as a victim, as can a conservative, a communist, an anarchist. Anyone of any political group can consider themself a victim. What carries the political connotation is *who* and *what* is victimizing them.

A communist may see themself and the proletariat victims of capitalism, of unfair labor laws that do not adequately protect laborers, of monopolies that restrict any actual choice, of political systems relying on the notion there are only two options, of being told you *must* choose or you will die. A liberal may see themself as a victim of conservative politics, of being unable to initiate any actual change (and yet supporting a socio-economic system that is meant to enforce this). A conservative, however, may see themself as a victim of shadows projected on a cave wall; of socialism, of changes in the status quo, of social progress.

In those last aspects, most liberals and conservatives are the same; they exist and live only to enforce the status quo. Any and all change or progress that isn't supported by neoliberals is subject to at best, suspicion and at worst, total destruction or an attempt at it. However, modern Usamerican conservatives tend to take it an extra step; by losing or refusing to wear any veneer of respectability.

Conservatives have a dual mindset: they are strongmen who are convinced they're doing the right thing and will triumph no matter what, and at the same time oppressed by a liberal deep state intent on keeping them underfoot. That dual thinking is mirrored in who or what they consider an enemy: jewish people are seen as equally weak-willed and the most powerful group in the world - for communism, it is equally a system unable to ever work and yet it's the biggest threat to the United States besides jewish people. The enemy itself may change, but the notion of it being both weak and strong will remain.

The victimization of conservatives appears moreso when they're focusing on the "strong enemy" aspect of dual thinking. In the United States, a main talking point in mainstream far-right circles is "traditional living" being under attack by "evil leftists", however in reality, it's conservatives attempting to destroy any and all forms of social progress. By making themselves' the victims, conservatives are able to whip up people into moral panics. The transgender bathroom panic itself was discovered to have been invented by far right groups to begin splitting LGB people from trans people as a form of divide and conquer.

Without solidarity, class consciousness and ideological discipline, the far right will continue to whip up panic through it's self-victimization and demonization of any minority groups attempting to push a broken system further left. The answer isn't to try and placate these people as some have done (democrats, "drop the T", detransitioners), but through building a vanguard party that upholds the three vlaues above. Feeding into their self-victimzation merely wins people over to the far right.

Ever since making a website on neocities, a part of me has been struck with finding the worst of the worst: those who consider themselves "blackpilled", incels, femcels, the works. I always considered it to be that old adage, "opposites attract" but more in an intellectual way. What drives these people outside of hatred, for themselves and for others? Unfortunately, the further I dig, the more I read their manifestos against race mixing, transgender panics and their belief gay people are "degenerate", I come up again and again with nothing, which I suppose is my answer. Their hate is illogical.

However, despite understanding that notion: hate as an emotional concept that drives them, I still wonder, how did they become this way, when I didn't, despite also feeling socially isolated for a period of my life? A dear friend told me they believe it's due to these people never outgrowing the "ironic bigotry humor" of being a middle schooler. I'd like to believe most people do, though considering where I grew up, I know this is false. Most don't outgrow it, but a social support system of friends and family usually prevents people from going down the dark path that is online white nationalism.

I wonder sometimes why I myself had avoided that, but social isolation is merely one factor that creates these circles. One must consider the politics held beforehand. Were these people "apolitical", a thought that, despite its name, is inherently political, as neutrality only ever aids the oppressor and not the oppressed. With that, they were always conservative-leaning. Maybe their family was, maybe they grew disillusioned with the failings of capitalism and neoliberalism, something I myself became disillusioned with at 16. I theorize that, rather than questioning everything as I had done, including McCarthy-era red scare lies, these people instead chose William F Buckley, Stephan Bandera, Theodore Kazynski and other far-right-but-not-quite-nazis, simply because the anti-communism and hatred of non-white people was just so ingrained in their minds. Coupled with isolation, of course they seek out others like them.

There comes a point when these thoughts develop into something far deeper that leeches at the psyche, the hatred of other people turns into the desire to invent new concepts to despise ("Neo-Obscurantism" anyone?) and "warn" others about. This isolation begins to eat at the mind of the one isolated. Think of it like a dog straining against a leash tied to a fence post or a tree. The dog is reinforcing the negative emotion by straining, barking and snarling at anyone that comes by in an attempt to help. People who succumb to reactionary ideology through isolation are simply reinforcing their bad habits, thoughts, beliefs, simply because they've deluded themselves into believing there is no chance of, or desire to, change.