Another crazy week, my oldest cat needing an emergency vet visit due to a high fever and drooling, learning I have psoriasis and losing two animals at work. While I'm financially and emotionally drained, I have several pet-sitting jobs this month to more than make up for it. Outside of my life, reading the news keeps a constant stream of anxiety coming in. What will happen to Iran? To Cuba, to Venezuela, to Argentina, Chile?

On one hand I'm glad to know the US Empire will decay, but I worry what comes next. There is no socialist party with discipline, the 'Left' in the US is, at best, no better than Democrats. So many 'socialists' in the nation support its imperialism. They're not upset and enraged at the exploitation that happens to maintain the United States, but rather upset they do not reap the full benefits. Things will have to get worse until people are primed to chain their minds about US imperialism, I fear.

All I can do is continue to perservere, teach, and learn, and so I will.

This week has been crazy, but definitely not my worst. I recieved a vague warning from a friend and coworker after the firing of another (first coworker is HR, I've known her since we were teenagers), something about being careful around her which had the unitended effect of making me curious. While I really want to know, it's also not my place. But who knows, perhaps some well timed and properly worded questions will get me the information I crave. I suppose this is a testament to how you don't really know people, but I do my best to be honest with everyone, even those with less than pure intentions. I've been called naive for it, but there's a clear line between naive and genuinely extending kindness to everyone.

Other than that, I've been promoted to REDACTED, which boils down to lead for behavior at the facility. It's a dual role, but I love what I do in regards to animal behavior. Every day is one big experiment, and oftentimes it works in my favor. My only issue is realizing how only a handful of coworkers still retain the basics. Another coworker and I discussed us doing monthly 'workshops' on various methods of anchoring, de-stressing and enrichment for the dogs. I may need to start putting 'weekly walkthroughs' on my list as well, getting acquainted with all new animals to give more accurate and up-to-date behavior reports in my meetings. We shall see if this happens, though.

I can't overstate how happy I am to be working again. I missed the challenge of a shut down dog, planning and problem solving with people to best manage stress while aiding proper socialization. I'm really enjoying training again, working with what my coworker and I think is a Taiwanese Mountain Dog and teaching the command 'wait' It also feels amazing to bond with these animals through play.

While my job is providing intellectual stimulation, I'm still prone to thinking of my past. I recently learned two people I was once friendly and close to are now in prison on unrelated charges, and while I am curious, I can't believe how low a point my early 20s were. How close I was to situations that would have ended in my arrest or death... It's a lot to think of. And yet, it didn't. I'm thankful to be where I am now, even if it's still not ideal.

My partner left yesterday, and I feel a bit bored again. I've discovered I've developed CHS, so getting high is out of the question unless I want to be sick the rest of the day. I didn't realize how isolated I was out here, but without something numbing me to the days, I'm aware. I've considered going out more, but I'm wary around strangers and moreso sober. It just feels tiring to deal with.

I've decided to shrink my blog/diary down since it was annoying to keep up with. I think if I play around with an RSS feed, I could potentially do daily updates again, but until then longer form posts will be the norm. Definitely no time cap on them, just updating when I feel like it.

I'm attempting to finish up AGOT this month, and I definitely missed a lot just listening to audiobooks. The discreptancies between Ned and Robert are more obvious on the page, as well as the evidence of Jaime showing to love Tyrion deeply, and a certain dislike growing towards Cersei even before meeting Brienne. I also find myself enjoying Danaerys far more as she grows into a competent leader. I'm specifically attempting to read into the theme of knighthood: its ideals in a feudal society versus the reality under feudalism. As I continue, the theme pops up more in regards to its reality in Jaime and Brienne's story, but the idealism is really set up by Ned and Sansa. We'll see what I'm able to pull from the story.