This is a repost from roughly a year ago.

A major theme of A Song of Ice and Fire is familial trauma; whether generational, cocsa, verbal or physical abuse. Throughout the story, trauma sustained in childhood is shown to affect and change the characters. Through comparisons of various families can the theme shine through. One great example is the parenting styles of Tywin Lannister compared to Ned Stark. Both patriarchs grew up in harsh conditions, born out of a feudal, patriarchal society. Yet how they treat their kids is vastly different, due to their complementary views of what children are.

Tywin Lannister views his children as extensions of himself, akin to trophies that bring him honor, bargaining chips to win him prestigious positions. Cersei he sees as a bargaining chip, using her to marry into families in an attempt to keep the peace, such as the Baratheon's after Robert's Rebellion. Her arranged match with Robert was done both - in order to keep the crown from punishing him for not taking a side in the rebellion and the citizens of King's Landing for staging their own rebellion against him, for the brutalities his bannermen committed while storming the city - as well as a gamble to get closer to the iron throne. By having one child of royalty, Tywin gains more prestige and power. Jaime behaves as a trophy child: he appears to be the ideal knight, handsome, charming, a fantastic fighter. Despite Jaime betraying his oath to protect the king and his vow of chastity, Tywin sees him as the perfect son; while a former heir to the Lord of Casterly Rock, is now a knight of the King's guard. If Cersei is a broodmare to continue the Lannister line, Jaime is the trophy Tywin can look at and point to should anyone ask what he's accomplished.

Tyrion breaks the illusion of the perfect family for Tywin. He's not conventionally attractive, disabled due to his dwarfism (thus cannot be a knight, or even a proper lord in Tywin's mind) and prefers wit to physical violence (not to say he wouldn't fight if pushed, as he is shown to do). His disability is stated to be a curse, Oberyn Martell citing rumors that while Hand of the King, Tywin "saw himself as above the king", making Tyrion a punishment bestowed upon the lord for arrogance. Thus, Tyrion is a reminder that Tywin is human, mortal, capable of mistakes. He resents his son for the reminder, for not being a useful pawn in his bid to gain power and the throne.

The Starks are different: Ned and Catelyn are aware of the differences in each child and nurture it. Ned brings his first son and heir to his meetings and councils, preparing him as a Lord of Winterfell, which serve him wonderfully in his short tenure as King in the North. Catelyn and Ned point out and encourage Sansa to enjoy the arts, needlework and other lady deeds (though there is also something to be said of the misogyny of a society where all women are expected to do these things, as Arya is often socially ostracized for not adhering to the role as a Stark Lady like Sansa.), and, with some understanding of his other daughter, Ned allows Arya to pursue Braavosi water dancing and learning to wield a sword (also encouraged by Jon). We don't get much of a glimpse into the Stark familial relationships as much as the Lannisters due to three of the eight dying, but what little is shown displays that Ned and Catelyn see their children as people exploring the world and society they were born into, with desires and preferences they encourage, as how else are they to learn expect through experience?

Catelyn, while furious with Robb for marrying Jeyne Westerling out of love and breaking his oath, saying "you are a king who broke his promise, one of the worst sins a king can commit", admires how graceful and understanding her son has become when he confesses his sin and intends to make amends with a slighted Walder Frey. Ned too, while upset that Arya is having difficulty adjusting in the Red Keep, allows her to instead pursue her interests as he knows forcing her into doing things she despises will just breed resentment between them. Both parents, while naive to the political machinations going on around them, understand how to be good parents, or at least as good as they can be in a feudalist society.

Thus, the War of the Five Kings is, at some length, a battle of the parenting of Tywin Lannister versus Eddard Stark. The Lannisters manage to win, but only through the slaughtering of the Starks and violating Guest Right, through Stannis kinslaying his brother Renly to be the only "true" Baratheon to win the crown, through a notion of "the ends justify the means." While the abusive parenting style of Tywin Lannister won the war, it has broken the bonds in their family, with Tyrion killing his father, Cersei growing more paranoid, and Jaime sinking into a depression.